Imola Eva Zsitva
Holly
For Holly & her family
though I am silent, I have much on my mind, like
how much I love mum but hate eggs.
I spit but I don’t mean it.
not in that way anyway, except
with that grumpy man on the train who deserved it:
to have his suit covered with my breakfast
of eggs.
eggs for breakfast, eggs for lunch, eggs for dinner.
eggs with kale. eggs with broccoli. eggs with smoked salmon:
this is how much mum loves me.
she smiles and shoves them in my mouth
with such excitement,
as if having a girl like me was the best thing that could have happened
to her.
I sit, but I dream of walking. walking out of this chair and into the garden,
skip down the street and run, run away
to the beach, even if it is beyond my reach, but
there is no harm in dreaming.
dreaming of spinning, dreaming of dancing, dreaming of talking.
I am silent, but not without thought.
I see and remember everything:
the kookaburra’s laughter in the morning
the taste of sand in my mouth
the ocean tickling my toes
shampoo running down my eyes, and your
smiles.
I am silent, but not without love.
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"Women Talking" by Imola Eva Zsitva is a series of three poems addressing possible relationships between women and their own voices. Considering conflicts of age and language amongst other themes, Zsitva both amplifies the female voice while bringing stark awareness to its constant silencing.
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Ana
Mi chiamo Ana. Sposata. Piacere.
I gaze at the class behind my occhiali da sole,
I swallow Italian parola per parola
and overdose on felicità.
Behind my occhiali da sole,
I see la vita in rosa; sono felicissima.
farmacia, macellaio, cucina e bagno.
Tutti sounds bellissimo in Italiano.
Lei una bravissima studentessa,
says the teacher and rewards me with an A+.
Your vagina smells of aglio, says my husband
before he abbatte my testa against il muro
and orders me to stop with all that apprendimento sciocco.
Subito, subito, principe azzurro, here I go, ti preparo la colazione
which is different from fare la colazione –
that I prefer having sola, in pace.
Remember, an egg is uovo, maschile
but eggs in plurale are uova, femminile.
Felicità, femminile, but so is violenza and depressione.
Suicidio is maschile.
Italian will save me.
Italian
will
save
me.
Mio marito sarà la morte di me.
Che cosa hai fatto ieri sera? asks my teacher.
C'è la guerra a casa mia, but I don’t say that
Instead, I tell a piccola bugia bianca—
I watched a film with my husband.
Imparare l'italiano è facile
I say with acento tonico on the ‘a’
and smile behind my occhiali da sole.
Mi chiamo Ana. Sposata. Piacere.
Nora
My mind is full of filthy thoughts.
Unzip your trousers.
I’ll be your whore, your mistress, your chambermaid,
your naughty little fuckbird.
I am no woman of verse, but I know how to touch you.
There are things I know better than you, my skillful tenor.
Your mind gets in the way
of your hands
second guessing your instinct.
You say
you are done with God, but
your fumbles are prayers seeking approval.
I’ll ride you up and down. Fuck up, love! Fuck up, love!
Bugger me with your prick, lick my horny red cunt.
Lie with me, heads and tails.
Fuck me hard, come on my face.
Are you done?
Have I been dirty enough?
I did as you asked of me, now clean up and listen.
My darling, you have an obsession.
It was a hand job for Christ’s sake, let it go.
I would have never done it, had I known
that years after I slid my hand down inside your trousers,
and you,
fast and eager,
came through my fingers,
would hope to write a masterpiece about it.
Stick to music.
I don’t wish to see my life deconstructed in your pages.
And just so you know, I said I didn’t frig him
but I did. And yes I said yes I will yes.
A graduate of Concordia University’s Creative Writing Program and The Royal Court Young Writers Programme (UK), Imola Eva Zsitva writes plays, screenplays, poems and prose in the six languages she speaks (so far). She has recently completed her first novel “Love Bombing: A Mirage in Text Messages” and is working on a Dante-inspired play in Italian.