Aunja, Wednesday

Leo Stillinger

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After participating in a protest in solidarity with Palestine, our speaker sips a ginger tea at Café Aunja. Inspired by the protest, Frank O’Hara, and the Sa’di they recently read in class, the speaker attempts to write a poem of their own that captures how they feel at this moment, “somehow pretending of something.”

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Yolk began as an electric conversation around a picnic table in Saint Henri Square.

Our scruffy pioneer and present prose editor had previously approached each of us with an idea, a vision: We would establish our own literary magazine in Montreal. And so it was, or so it would be. After that original encounter, eight individuals devoted to the word resolved that they would gather bi-weekly, on Sundays, and bring something new into this busy, manic world—something that might slow its spin down somewhat and cause its patronage to say: “You know what, it ain’t so bad, is it, Susan?”

We are undergraduate, graduate, and graduated students of writing. Some of us learn our craft formally from accomplished authors in seminar courses, and some of us learn by looking out the window of the world and onto the streets that sing below. Some of us learn from screaming squirrels, old curtains, departed grandfathers, and bowel movements. We learn from old lovers, long winters, imperfect mothers, and from the deep internet where a musical genius remains entombed.

Yolk is cold floors on Sabbath mornings, home-brewed ginger beer in the endless afternoon, and downpours of French-pressed coffee in assorted artisanal mugs. Our first official gathering was scheduled for a duration of two hours; most of us remained for six, departing only to attend to the summons of our own beckoning realities. Together, with time suspended, we talked endlessly of contributing something to disrupt Montreal’s literary ecosystem. Something unparalleled, something true.

But what? There was nothing to discuss. There was everything to discuss.

We volunteer our time, hounding some elusive beast composed of combustible words and works. We are hopeful, truly hopeful, that we can give something new, a new way, a new light, and that if we cannot, we might at least uphold the traditions of our predecessors, cast star-wide nets to capture their echoes. We are a thousand decisions. We are a sanctuary for the orphaned word, the solitary writer, the cereal-eating artist who yearns for company, for the comfort of a like mind; we sit together with them at foggy dawn, it rains a baptism, with our arms and hands intertwined, we form an umbrella—underneath, they scribble madly, the perfect picture.

Yolk in no way presumes to be superior to its contemporaries, but its contemporaries should not presume yolk to be anything other than loud—quite, quite loud. We are yippidy jazzed to address the oh-so-technicolorful magnificence of the human experience, but we are prepared also to address the ugliness, to stare at its wet, hairy snout and into its square depth and to roar in return at the things that yearn to devour our skin, beset our ethos, and dig graves in our own backyards.

There’s so much to say, there’s so much we don’t know, but together, with you, we can placate that ignorance, render it peaceful, tolerable, and perhaps even, fucking beautiful.

And Susan says, “Amen.”

Still after three four weeks with this little
typewriter I never typed a poem but
thanks Frank O’Hara I’m typing one now

though I wonder if O’Hara’s very freedom, that off-the- 
cuff patter might be too powerful a stimulant,
too empowering, as though a little typing

were all it took—but then what means that 
“too” anyways, I mean what are we living for here
anyhow? As though a small minute’s joy in words

as I sit here with my ginger tea in the Persian
café might be too much, somehow pretending of
something—though maybe yes it is and maybe that’s 

the joy and the point. In class we read Sa’di, chapter two, 
story twenty-six. It was read aloud by many students in the original Persian
which perhaps led my feet here later, after the Palestine

protest outside the management building where a dozen men with Israeli flags
had set up a massive speaker blasting trap music dancing and even it seemed 
(but here the poem could fall off its tracks into a gully of anger) gloating: a noise 

that still could not drop eighty of us and a dream Viva
Viva Palestina and all the rest of the words in the snow turning
to rain and in the story a distracted man (“frenzied one”) takes off

at dawn from the caravan where everyone else is
just settling into sleep (they walked all through the night),
summoned as he was by the cry of a nightingale

(“bird’s lament”) he sets off and later the Persian word
for “frenzied one” was much discussed: frenzied, effervescent,
suffering, passion, lover, suffering, ecstatic, out-of-stasis, out, out,
 

out into the night, the noisy night of dawn: it is not becoming
to humanity that I should be silent when birds chant 
Praises, the poet explains, then someone said Desire makes me

what I desire and I wonder if one or the other of these words 
or strings of words might name the reason Frank writes at lunch
and I with ginger tea these strings of words of birds of beads desire makes me. 

Leo Stillinger is a writer and filmmaker from Utah, based in Montreal. His first film, An Urban Wild, was screened at the Festival International de Film Éthnographique de Quebec (FIFEQ) in 2023. A regular newsletter of his photography, Postcards from a Dream, can be found at postcardsfromadream.substack.com. This poem was written in solidarity with Palestine.

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Yolk acknowledges that our work in Tiohtià:ke/Montréal takes place on the unceded Indigenous lands of the Kanien’kehá:ka/Mohawk Nation. Kanien’kehá:ka is known as a gathering place for many First Nations, and we recognize the Kanien’kehá:ka as custodians of the lands on which we gather.