Elana Wolff
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Elana Wolff’s “Throwback” is an encounter with the experience of becoming. Through eerie comparisons and strange images, Wolff’s poem succeeds in revealing how childhood memories can become deeply unsettling as we come to understand them.
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Wind wrinkled the river and lake,
the clouds—
huge cumolo-vaporous shapes—
flattened into stratus: long thin aerial altars
disassembling in the mist.
In school we called an awkward boy ‘The Ostrich’
behind his back. Legs too long for his body,
head too small—he walked like a logger. He went completely
bald before grade 12 and moved away. Odd
how people pop into one’s thoughts.
Mr. P. was my German teacher that year.
A fit man with a moustache that looked like Hitler’s,
which only occurred to me later; at the time,
I liked his tidy style. His potent way of pacing—back and forth
across the room. His turtlenecks and dark blue suits,
how he called on Anne von Glatz and Elsa Metz
to answer. He made me like those clipped
Germanic names and love those girls,
even though they hardly noticed me. Mr. P.—
I might have called him late one night
for help. But I didn’t have his number
or know what I’d tell him if I’d had it.
Sometimes, he would sit on his desk
and show the soles of his brogues. Mystery
emanated from the leather.
I copied his strong, deliberate script—letters slanting right
like duteous feet.
She who copies becomes the stalker, I read
and abandoned that slant.
He showed up some months later
where I was waiting on cocktail tables, ordered a Scotch
and water and asked me what I was doing these days—
as if he couldn’t see. “I’m working to pay my way,”
I said, and smiled and went on serving.
Seeing him there—that moustache
and the turtleneck, the dark blue suit—
was weirdly out of place.
I felt his tidy eyes on me
wherever I was in the room.
“Je vous en prie,” I answered when he thanked me
for my service.
He took my hand and pressed
a lavish tip into my palm, closed his fingers over mine
and wished me, “Alles Gute.”
Perhaps
it was from Mr. P.
I first heard tell of Kafka.
Elana Wolff lives and works in Thornhill, Ontario—the traditional lands of the Haudenosaunee and Huron-Wendat First Nations. Her collection, SWOON, won the 2020 Canadian Jewish Literary Award for Poetry. Her cross-genre Kafka-quest work, FAITHFULLY SEEKING FRANZ, is forthcoming with Guernica Editions.